These past 4 months have been a whirlwind. Within a month of finishing my paramedic programme, I received my registration, graduated from Edge Hill University, and started my adventure as a newly qualified paramedic back home in the south. But it never truly felt real until the morning we were handed our epaulets during the first induction week.
It was a surreal moment and, although no words were exchanged, we all as NQPs somehow knew exactly what the other was thinking. After the initial buzz of excitement, I suddenly felt the weight on my shoulders—no pun intended—as it finally sunk in that I was no longer a student. There was no one to hide behind if I made a mistake, no one to step in when I had no idea what to do, no one I could look back over my shoulder at to give me that nod of reassurance…I was on my own. The nervous laughter soon began and we all swiftly put the epaulets away, out of sight and out of mind—at least for the time being.
The time sped past and the weeks faded into days, until the night before the dreaded first day was here. I felt like I was preparing for my first day at school, I could hear my mum in my head saying, ‘make sure your uniform is hung up and ready, make sure to take a packed lunch with plenty of snacks, don't forget your water bottle’. I felt sick with excitement and nerves as I set my alarm for 4:45 am—though the thought of waking up at 4:45 am would make nearly anyone feel sick to their core. I spent most of the night overthinking (as I normally do) and achieved nothing but sending myself into self-doubt, rather than sleeping, as the same thought repeatedly ran through my mind: ‘will I be good enough?’
The day arrived, and it was obvious I was the new kid on station. I can only imagine the look of bewilderment and fear on my face, as my cheeks started to burn when the numerous new sets of eyes turned to look at me. It was the day I dreaded for such a long time, but it was…effortless.
Throughout the 2 years of being a student, I always felt like a fraud but as soon as I walked in—and I know it sounds cheesy—I felt at home. It was as though everything I had experienced and learned over the past 2 years finally clicked together like the final pieces of a puzzle. The fear of no longer being a student disappeared and I realised then, I would be good enough.