It appeared to me that I plateaued through the beginning of my second year; stuck in my comfort zone of attending incidences and writing patient report forms without developing my knowledge of treatment plans and patient management. This led me to have my first real ‘wobble’ as I realised something—I was not content with being just a good paramedic… I wanted to be a great one.
It soon became clear that in order to achieve this, I needed to identify my weaknesses so that I could learn from them and develop my autonomous clinical decision-making abilities. However, it takes a lot to build yourself up, both mentally and physically, and to openly ask to be criticised—constructively of course—as in all honesty, who really enjoys being this vulnerable?
There has definitely been a mental barrier in taking this step, and although the list of reasons could be endless, I have narrowed it down to three key aspects. The first is a fear of criticism; what if I do or say the wrong thing? For example, when I asked a patient if their father is coming with us, to be told ‘that's my husband’. Safe to say, I have never done that again. The next is having the faith to believe I have the knowledge and abilities to succeed as a paramedic. Finally, a more complex obstacle is receiving and using regular mentorship to push me to step further outside of my comfort zone.
Navigating my way through this obstacle has been tricky; how do you tell your mentors and lecturers that you think you are struggling and feel helpless? This was amplified ten-fold when I was being constantly reminded that the end goal is almost in sight—but I could not have felt further away from it if I tried. Keeping these issues to myself for so long was exhausting and, much to no one's surprise, I finally broke. I sent a panic-stricken email to both my tutor and senior paramedic—nice one Abby. Although I was immediately filled with embarrassment and regret, I knew that being afraid to seek out and accept support would get me nowhere.
I was completely overwhelmed when I received their replies. I always knew that mentorship and support was out there, but I felt like a failure if I ever had to admit I needed help. With their support and guidance, I now understand that we will all inevitably have a ‘wobble’ at some stage of our student journey, and it is a key aspect of growing and developing.
How we handle this, however, will help to shape the clinician we develop into. We can either shy away from our weaknesses and ignore them, or embrace them and the support available to become great. So, to answer my original question, I am in charge of the kind of paramedic I want to become—we all are. No one can succeed in this career alone; we must accept that we will never be failures if we continually seek out the support to become greater.