Where I am going

Following on from a tumultuous 12 months adjusting to a new ambulance service, my second year as a newly qualified paramedic (NQP), and an assault that forced me to step back from the role that I love for 4 months, I have often wondered ‘where do I go from here?’ While I wish to never be faced with such a sinister situation again, the time away allowed me to gain an invaluable prospective on my journey thus far—where I was, where I am now and, most importantly, where I am going.

My paramedic journey began on 25 Sept 2017 when I stepped onto the Stag Hill campus at the University of Surrey for the first time, ready to give it my all. At 30 years of age, I was older than most in my cohort, with a broad Irish accent that not many of my English counterparts could fully understand, and an unrelenting ‘keenness’ for all things ambulance—I was different. On the outside, I conveyed the image of a very capable, intellectual student. But on the inside, I carried with me over a decade of self-doubt; stemming from both academic and personal failures that had slowly eroded my confidence, and self-worth to the point where I was not sure if I would ‘make the cut’ at university, or in such a demanding career if I did qualify. For a long time, I convinced myself that the remedy for such ‘deficiency’ was success, and that success and confidence went hand-in-hand. However, despite the many achievements that followed during my time at university, and as an NQP, that air of self-doubt remained.