Break the taboo

In a deeply personal opinion article in the New York Times, the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle, recently revealed that she and Prince Harry miscarried their second child. When someone we love dies, we talk about it, have funerals, hold memorials, reminisce, and receive heartfelt condolences. But when a family suffers a miscarriage, all too often, they suffer in silence. In many cases, the pregnancy hasn't yet been shared with the family's usual support networks, so they may feel isolated in their loss.

If people do know that a couple was expecting, they may or may not view a miscarriage as the true death of a loved one or bereavement that will be followed by an actual phase of grief, with many viewing a foetus as a collection of cells rather than a baby. However, for many women, motherhood begins the moment they see a positive pregnancy test, and begin bonding with the tiny feotus they are nourishing in their womb. While the death of a loved one in the traditional sense can be viewed as grieving a past with that person, a miscarriage may be viewed as grieving a future with your child, and even perhaps the loss of parental and family identity. Some understand this, but as with many instances of death, they may simply not know what to say. Their clear discomfort may make a bereaved person feel as though they should avoid talking about their loss, or avoid people altogether until they find their new normal in the aftermath of their loss.