Recently, someone close to me had been admitted to a psychiatric ward. He had been suffering from anxiety, which was becoming progressively worse—and which was exacerbated over the last couple of years, no doubt in part owing to the stress and strain placed on individuals by the COVID-19 pandemic.
His anxiety became so severe that it was resulting in panic attacks where he would experience episodes of feeling ‘frozen’ for 30-minute periods at a time. This hindered his ability to attend work, which only worsened his feelings of anxiety as he is the primary provider for his family. Once admitted and placed on some stabilising medication for his anxiety and panic attacks, he soon thought he was ready to return home after a couple of days and planned to return to work.
However, before he could follow through with his return-to-work plan, he began experiencing severe panic attacks again. These could be brought on by thoughts about past events in his life or any aspect of his current life that leads to anxious thoughts about whether he will say or do the wrong thing in any given moment and the consequences that may follow if he does.
Before long, he was back in the psychatric ward, and soon transferred to long-term care. Thankfully, he shared with me what was happening and gave me some insight into his experiences on the ward. However, he was extremely ashamed of what he was going through and was adamant that the few people who were aware do not share the news of his admission with anyone else, including his extended family who live locally and could offer support. I told him that we all struggle and that he had nothing to be ashamed of but, ultimately, I had to respect his feelings and wishes.
Why is there still such a stigma associated with mental health-related issues that people feel they have to hide when they are struggling? I even have friends that don't answer their phones when they're going through a hard time but answer once things have improved. In modern-day Western society, we have been conditioned to believe that our very human experience of struggle is something to be ashamed of, that leaning on others is a weakness, and that we need to show others that we're okay, all of the time. We rush back into work before we're ready—we avoid discovering what might be at the root of our problems. I think it is important that we acknowledge however that there is nothing normal or human about being okay all of the time.
What is normal is that in our high-stress society of often unreasonable expectations, that we crack under the pressure, at least some of the time. We are not designed to continuously ‘go’ like a piece of machinery; so in moments when we cannot withstand the demands hoisted upon us, I hope that we can accept ourselves, give ourselves grace, and not only normalise, but nurture, our need to rest, renew and seek out support. It is time to do away with the shame that many of us have learned to associate with experiences that are often the simple result of our human nature.
I was speaking with my father recently who was emphasising the importance of thinking positively. There is something to be said for optimism, sure—however, I would argue that the dangerous belief that we need to be positive all the time is part of how we arrived in this predicament in the first place.
We need to normalise the existence, experience and expression of all feelings, whether happiness, sadness or anger, rather than viewing some feelings as ‘good’ and others as ‘bad’. The experience and expression of the entire range of human emotion is necessary for our mental wellbeing—so let's start there.