As I near the completion of my paramedic degree, it seems fitting to reflect on my undergraduate experience thus far. Like many, my academic journey has been full of challenges, successes and inevitable failures. My attitude towards work and life have always been shaped by an irrational fear of failure. While I recognise this can be damaging, an absence of fear represents similar destructive effects. Like most things in life, balance counts more than you think. I will attempt to shed some light on this secular reality of undergraduate study and convey the importance of introspective thought in the development of my personal practice.
Reflective engagement bares significant importance in improving practice within healthcare environments. Further, reflecting on learning can inspire an individual to highlight and address specific needs, identifying areas for improvement. In order to facilitate professional development, reflection must be purposeful to be effective. As such, I regularly engage in reflective practice in all areas of undergraduate study, including academic performance, and professional and personal practice.
At every stage of my academic career, nervousness has most certainly prevailed. Whether this is beginning a new module, being on placement or awaiting exam results, it seems to be a never-ending cycle of apprehension. While I believe my fear of failure is partially responsible for where I am today, I was naive to believe I was experiencing these feelings alone. As an undergraduate student, I can confidently assume that most students want to achieve academic success. However, added pressures for those undertaking healthcare-related causes include mastering clinical knowledge, little time for personal activities and peer competition. While some stress inevitably enhances academic performance, continued exposure to stressors is likely to increase burnout and psychological distress. For many, this was further exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic which resulted in the restructuring of examinations and curricular teaching.
Every year, healthcare students enrol into a system that prioritises competition over cooperation. Attitudes of one-upmanship are particularly rife among aspiring paramedics and can be particularly discouraging to those with less experience or opportunity. It is therefore feasible to suggest that healthcare education itself contributes to student distress. Dealing with fear of failure or a loss of faith in the profession is not routinely taught within undergraduate education. To me, paramedic education relies on a delicate balance of academic and emotional resilience. There are moments, albeit rare, where I feel confident and competent in my achievements. However, when the scales become unbalanced, it is easy to become overwhelmed by performance pressure, workload and external factors. As a result, like many, I have contemplated dropping out of paramedic education. I know many are in this situation but often pride and self-preservation limits such discussion. By discovering students with the same struggle, we can empathise and build a community of encouragement and support. Higher education institutions may not teach us how to deal with failure—but perhaps we can teach each other the balance necessary for undergraduate study. Positive and reassuring peer support is fundamental to remaining grounded and as I prepare to enter my final year, I remind myself that fear kills more dreams than failure ever will.